deli in my belly (7:54:18 PM): i think i told you before

deli in my belly (7:54:21 PM): ranting to me

deli in my belly (7:54:28 PM): makes me feel like im useful

deli in my belly (7:54:32 PM): and have a purpose in life


I have to save this for self reference.

Segregation.

I'm rewriting and researching additional notes for last week's ethnic studies lecture.

"The Clarks' doll experiments grew out of Mamie Clark's master's degree thesis. They published three major papers between 1939 and 1940 on children's self perception related to race. Their studies found contrasts among children attending segregated schools in Washington, DC versus those in integrated schools in New York. They found that Black children often preferred to play with white dolls over black; that, asked to fill in a human figure with the color of their own skin, they frequently chose a lighter shade than was accurate; and that the children gave the color "white" attributes such as good and pretty, but "black" was qualified as bad and ugly. They viewed the results as evidence that the children had internalize racism caused by being discriminated against and stigmatized by segregation."

For some strange reason, the portion which I have purposely bolded made me tear up a little. I don't know why I'm so emotional atm. ):

Happy Birthday Sister.

My goodness, you are 17 already. I think has really flown by quickly. Remember the days when you cried 24/7 and followed everything that I did? Even when it was stupid, like the one time I decided that American bills were too big. I started trimming the edges of all my dollar bills and you started copying me. We got in lots of trouble that day.
I think that the scariest part for me is knowing the fact that you are maturing at a pace so much faster than my own. You've ventured further because you are bolder, more curious, more willing to seek all that is unknown. But I, on the other hand have chosen to remain more conservative, because I am not as confident nor as brave. Nevertheless, I am extremely proud of how far you have come- proud actually, to be related to you. I respect your decisions whether I think they're right or wrong because I believe that you are fully capable of choosing your own correct path to stride upon.
I have to admit that our conversation last night has left me worried. Asides from what happened, everything seems to be hitting you hard lately, which only increases my stress over your well being and personal safety. But I have faith in you to overcome the blows and pull yourself back together. Why? Because you are you, and I know you well enough. So don't despair and don't put yourself down. I think an important part of being human is to make mistakes and to deal with the unexpected because nobody is perfect.

With all that being said, I can't wait to see you this weekend. Happy birthday for the 3rd time, 妹妹 <3