I hate essays.

Ugh. I hate this book. I don't get it, at all. So confusing! Then again, life is so confusing too. Things happen, and I don't know why. Things change. Before I know it, I'm navigating through each day blindly just like how I'm writing this essay blindly (fail).

I wonder if I'm ever going to find a direction.

Lucy (Lucy made me)

Hi. My name is Delwin. Sophia is currently on her bed ignoring me, which is totally cool cuz I'm on her computer ignoring her. Today she got mad at me because I didn't bring an umbrella out to class with me. I never use umbrellas. The last time I used an umbrella was in a typhoon. The last time before that was never. She bought me an umbrella. I will use it tomorrow if it rains [hopefully it doesn't].

Oh and Jackie is the coolest person ever. And Lucy is cool too. Super super cool!

PEACE OUT HOMEZ

Rain

The weather was crazy today. I don't even remember a day ever being like that last year, although my memory probably isn't the very best and therefore cannot be relied upon, hah. But goodness, not only did it pour and pour, but the wind didn't help much either; it blew so hard that my umbrella flipped like twice. Ridiculous. And then my shoes got so soaked that I gave up and just decided to wear flip flops instead. Oh and I had to throw away the socks I was wearing cause I was wearing my cheap Taiwan shoes, which are red inside....so, the color like washed off and dyed my sock retardedly. I need some rain boots.

I've made a promise with myself to not skip anymore classes....so even though I was so tempted to just go home instead of treading to class all wet and disgusting, I still went. Yay (: It was obvious that I wasn't the only one with that idea....lecture was much more emptier than usual today. I'm supposed to be doing math now, but procrastinating (duh), and blogging instead. I'm also listening to music for the first time in a week using my computer cause I finally decided to use playlist.com. I love that site :D, cause I was getting so bored of listening to the same songs on my I-tunes. Sucks that I cannot download music...more like I'm afraid to, after the school gave us all those warnings. I think my favorites so far are Stolen by Dashboard, Stolen by Jay Sean, Unfaithful by Rhianna, and Promise in the Dark by Keri Hilson. 2 emo 2 nonemo, good balance I think. Oh and of course, Halo, but that's a given so I don't count it. :)

I really hope the weather is much better tomorrow.

Life

It's such a gloomy today, which, I think, falls very much in line with last nights' depressing event. I didn't get much sleep. Sigh, hello bags. Anyhow, my mommy came up to visit since I didn't go back home this weekend. Amazingly I enjoyed the few hours spent with her, even though it was just eating at the Korean restaurant in the Asian Ghetto and getting frozen yogurt. I guess the fact that the food was good and that she really liked it helped. But even more so, it was nice to just talk to her and update her about my life in college. I'm so open with her now that I find it hard to believe...I can tell her anything and expect her to understand or simply make her own fussy comments. Even if she is surprised by what I say, she accepts my actions, which now makes me realize that she has enough faith in me to trust what I do. I think our relationship is getting much better.

deli in my belly (7:54:18 PM): i think i told you before

deli in my belly (7:54:21 PM): ranting to me

deli in my belly (7:54:28 PM): makes me feel like im useful

deli in my belly (7:54:32 PM): and have a purpose in life


I have to save this for self reference.

Segregation.

I'm rewriting and researching additional notes for last week's ethnic studies lecture.

"The Clarks' doll experiments grew out of Mamie Clark's master's degree thesis. They published three major papers between 1939 and 1940 on children's self perception related to race. Their studies found contrasts among children attending segregated schools in Washington, DC versus those in integrated schools in New York. They found that Black children often preferred to play with white dolls over black; that, asked to fill in a human figure with the color of their own skin, they frequently chose a lighter shade than was accurate; and that the children gave the color "white" attributes such as good and pretty, but "black" was qualified as bad and ugly. They viewed the results as evidence that the children had internalize racism caused by being discriminated against and stigmatized by segregation."

For some strange reason, the portion which I have purposely bolded made me tear up a little. I don't know why I'm so emotional atm. ):

Happy Birthday Sister.

My goodness, you are 17 already. I think has really flown by quickly. Remember the days when you cried 24/7 and followed everything that I did? Even when it was stupid, like the one time I decided that American bills were too big. I started trimming the edges of all my dollar bills and you started copying me. We got in lots of trouble that day.
I think that the scariest part for me is knowing the fact that you are maturing at a pace so much faster than my own. You've ventured further because you are bolder, more curious, more willing to seek all that is unknown. But I, on the other hand have chosen to remain more conservative, because I am not as confident nor as brave. Nevertheless, I am extremely proud of how far you have come- proud actually, to be related to you. I respect your decisions whether I think they're right or wrong because I believe that you are fully capable of choosing your own correct path to stride upon.
I have to admit that our conversation last night has left me worried. Asides from what happened, everything seems to be hitting you hard lately, which only increases my stress over your well being and personal safety. But I have faith in you to overcome the blows and pull yourself back together. Why? Because you are you, and I know you well enough. So don't despair and don't put yourself down. I think an important part of being human is to make mistakes and to deal with the unexpected because nobody is perfect.

With all that being said, I can't wait to see you this weekend. Happy birthday for the 3rd time, 妹妹 <3